Assalamualaikum and may peace be upon you, dear readers.
Okay, today I'm going to share with all of you the thing that disturbs me for the past few days. Before that, I would like to apologize to my non-malay readers as this post will be in mixed language. Feel free to comment and ask for the meaning of the words I used in my mother tongue.
Bismillah...
Have you ever felt like your death is just around the corner? Well, I have and it scares me a lot. I mean, who wouldn't?? Most girls my age right now will probably won't stop thinking about their 'future husband' or 'the other half' or 'significant other' and what not. I must admit, I can't stop thinking about those things as well. I'm not saying they're bad, I mean it's good for you girls or guys to thinking about the brighter future. But let's not forget that our deaths might be the faster one to greet us. I don't mean to sound all dark and depressing but that's the painful truth, right?
I hate to admit but I also can't stop thinking about what my future husband looks like, or who he really is and where he is now. I know that once we start thinking and imagining about those things, it will not be easy to stop. Those thoughts keep filling my mind and it makes me nervous, excited and scared. All at the same time. But not until recently, when my friends point out that I have been acting strange and unusual for the past few days.
Now, let's recall what's that supposed to mean. You guys do know that people do weird things and act unusual days before their deaths, right? In my culture, it's called "buang tabiat". You have no idea how scared I was when they said that. Suddenly, it hits me like a friggin' train! What if I don't get to meet the love of my life? What if I die before I even get to meet 'the one'? I take that as a sign. Allah wants me to get back to HIM. I hate to admit it but because of the man I love, I forget about Allah. I have done things I'm not proud of and my heart tells me it's time for you to repent, Amal. Before it's too late.
When I think about all the bad things I've done, I feel ashamed of myself. I know my sins are too much and there's no way Allah can forgive me. But I believe that Allah is merciful and He will forgive all our sins as long as you do taubat nasuha and promise never to repeat them again. I'm not trying to make me look like a Ms Goodie goodie but I've performed Solat Sunat Taubat and I'm telling you. I have never felt more peaceful. You can literally feel your heart lighter and I have never been happier.
You can't cheat death. It will find you no matter where you go and for once, I felt ready. Ready to die if that's what meant to be. But that doesn't mean I want to commit suicide just to avoid myself from committing other sins. That would be stupid. I'm just pointing out the main thing. It's okay for you girls and guys to dream about marrying the love of your life, but never forget your real place. And by that I mean the grave. Because let's face it, nothing can hide you from death and don't turn your back on God for the person you love. That person will also face the same fate just like any of us.
I'm sorry if this post doesn't make any sense to you and forgive me if my English is horrible and you're trying hard to understand what I'm saying. I'm trying wayyy too hard to convince you guys that death is inevitable and please repent before it's too late.
That's all for today. Assalamualaikum and may peace be upon you, :)
